Country, or Something Like It.

Today, I would like to talk a bit about country. The word country, in this contemporary day, can mean many things. The first meaning I will talk about is the genre of music. Over the past decades the genre of Country(Which apparently HAS to be capitalized) has grown from an upbeat, square-dancing, hoe-down feel, to more and more drinking and sad songs. I have to say that I'm a big fan of all of these aspects, but one I have been noticing more personally lately is the depressing and/or the tribute songs. I have been listening to Alan Jackson's song Sissy's Song quite a bit lately. On the radio, when I first heard it, the "DJ" mentioned that it was written as a tribute to a woman named Lacey who had recently died. I personally like the song because it's so heartfelt. I then turn to the next song and hear about two good friends going to Mexico to get drunk and pick up women. I can't really bring myself to understand why people would like to imitate this, but I do have to admit that it is a catchy tune. By the by, the previous song is Playboys of the Southwestern World by Blake Shelton.

Another form of the word country is in the sense that one can live in the country. Now this is a very confusing word because so many people think that their particular part of the Country is country. As I just stated in the previous sentence, the word can be interchanged between countries of the world, and country living. But, I ask this question, What is country living? Is it based on morals, location, moonshine, or music? The word has become so polluted that anyone can be from the country. Location can't have the word anymore because the farms and farm towns that we once considered "country", are now being shut down in this economic wreck. Don't even get me started on morals. It just seems like the secular world is dragging the "Olden Days" of doing things through the proverbial mud.

I would write some more on this, but first, I want your opinions. I want to get a bit of a fire going here. What do you think about country music? What do you think about country or the country or country living (Or whatever you want to call it)?

Will Blog for Booze!

I was told that I should write a blog today. I was told this by one Adem "Boozle" Ali, hence the title. He told me that it was such a nice day and I should write about it.

Well, it was a nice day outside. It was the kind of day that makes you want to lay out in the sun and have fun with the kids, or the nieces and nephew in my case. I just wish I was at home to enjoy this day with my family. Unfortunately, I am 250 miles away from them, plus my parents are both working, one sister is working and the other is at home with her family, and I have no idea what my brother is doing, probably fishing. It would be a nice day to fish. My brother actually gave me $12 for my birthday so I could get my fishing license renewed, and I plan to when I go home.

I hope everyone had a good day today, and I am in prayer for those effected by the sudden rise of the Missouri River.

Clinging to the...Past...Future..Present?

I've been thinking a lot lately, which is never a good thing. As most of you who will read this know, I was recently told I would lose my financial aid after this semester, but that's not what has me thinking right now. I also turned 21 a few days ago, but I'm not thinking of that either. In reality, I've been thinking of the reputation I've made for myself. I've been hearing friends tell me what they see when they see me, and I absolutely hate what they have to say. I don't hate that they say these things, but I hate that they are true. I know what I am, and what I have become, and I accept all responsibility for my actions, but I have to have a serious reevaluation on my life.

When I learned about my not coming back to Oakland City University, I was sad at first, but I forced myself to turn that sadness into hatred and I convinced myself that it was a plot by the school to have me kicked out. But, since then I have done some reflecting and realized that I was just passing uncalled for blame on people who have no right to take the blame that is really mine. I was responsible for going to class, but instead I decided to stay out late with my friends and have fun. The same goes for my homework, I wanted to live a life that I really didn't want because it looked fun, and it was for this reason that I obtained a depression and failed. I now cannot see any real reason to blame this school, and I know it is a good institution, but I still need a bit of help getting past my own mistakes.

When I turned 21 I was so excited. It was odd because I had forgotten about my birthday a few weeks before, but there were some friends who said, "I bet you can't wait to turn 21 so you can party huh?" And, it a mistake, I went against my parents wishes and drank because it seemed like the cool thing to do. It was 2 days and a few beers after my birthday that I looked at the water bottle I was drinking water from and realized that I loved water much more than alcohol, then it snapped in me. I went and took out a beer from the fridge, took some drinks, and felt horrible because I knew that alcohol wasn't for me. I liked the taste, but I hated the fact that I was becoming someone I'm not. I poured the rest of my beer down the sink and got away from the rest of alcohol. I had decided that I didn't want to drink anymore. I know the effects that alcohol can have on you and your body, and it's just not for me. I want to apologize to my mom for going against her wishes, and I am very sorry that I did.

Another thing that I am is just an all over offensive person, and that is not acceptable. I was told this by many friends, but one who is closer to me than most told me the whole truth, that I knew and decided to hide from myself, and that was that I am just a person who tends to say or do things that offend people. He also told me that I like to put on a front, and that the "real" side of me only surfaces with people that I am comfortable with. I admit that everything he, and others, said is true. I know how to keep my mouth shut, but I still do these things anyways. I curse like a sailor, I talk dirty like a porn star, and I degrade people like it was instinct. One thing that these people don't know is that this is not my real side, that is actually a fake personality I made up long ago when I first went back to public school in the 10th grade. I made that part of me because I thought that was what other people were like,and that it was what they liked. I made a horrible mistake in straying away from my upbringing, and I realize this too late in my life to make up for the bad memories I gave everyone, and for that I am truly sorry. I will try like crazy to make myself into the person I am, and I think a lot of people have been seeing that recently. I am trying to be my real self in front of people, but I fear I may have made too deep of an imprint in their minds for them to accept me as anything but "Rickey".

I am truly sorry to all of those who I may have offended in the past, and I will try to, and will, be better soon.

One other thing I am clinging to right now is the fact that I feel as if I am separating myself from my friends once again. This is due to many things. The fact that I will be gone from them after this semester, the fact that my friends are not getting along with each other, and especially the fact that I am starting to see some of my friends being the person they tell me that I am. Instead of me being the better man, so to speak, as a way to guide them away from their strife's, I am pushing them away and telling them that they are doing the right thing, and that tears me up inside. I want my friends to be happy, but if it's at the cost of my own life, then I want them to leave me alone. I am reminded of a verse in the Bible, one of my favourites actually, it is when Jesus is talking to the Apostles about his death, but being vague about it. It says something like, "There is no greater love than that of a man who lays down his life for a friend." I now understand that the verse could have a deeper meaning than love your friends truly. I now see that it can also mean that sometimes you have to give up your own ambitions and your own fun, and you have to help out your friends in their time of need. I have been selfish lately just thinking of what I can do to make myself better, but I need to take some time to help out my friends who really need it. I love you all, and wouldn't trade our times together for any riches that this world has to offer.