It's been quite hectic in my life right now. I can safely assume that this is the worst semester of college for me so far, and this is only the first month. It all started when I got here, I had a few classes, and during the first session of my fourth class I received some painful news. That news was that a friend of mine, Frank Sebree, had passed on to be with the Lord. Me and Frank weren't best friends, he was in his 50's, a veteran, a pastor, just coming to OCU for a little further education. Then the weekend before school started he went in for hernia surgery, and his heart couldn't take it. The moment I heard the words, "We begin this class on a sad note. Over the weekend Frank Sebree, a student here, passed on to be with the Lord." I just froze and I literally felt an emptiness in my heart. It felt as if there was a little pop in my heart, and I just sat there with water welling up in my eyes. I nearly got out of my seat and ran to the bathroom to cry. But, I lived on, going to my last class and surprisingly I never cried. I wanted to so bad, but I never did.
I went to his visitation and experienced the same emptiness. I saw him laying there and felt horrible. Then I looked near his stomach and saw his Bible, and this made me happy, and I thought to myself only one thing. I thought, "I wonder if he'll meet my PaPa in Heaven?", and I saw the two of them running through the greenest grass I have ever seen, and I saw them praising God forever, and I smiled. Then I just went and sat in a pew for a while. His family came up to me and asked about how I knew him, and it shocked me because none of them were physically sad, not like I was. hey were happy that Frank found his home, and I saw that and smiled. I got sad again and that is when one of Frank's children or grandchildren asked me, "Why are you sad?" I just sat there and thought about that and realized that I had no reason to be sad. And the moment I left that church sanctuary, I was happy, because I knew Frank had the peace he always wanted. I keep the bulletin from the funeral posted on the board in my room in memory of him.
We go from death to technology. I know that it seems like quite a leap, but you have no idea how many times I have made this leap in the last month. It started the first full week of school, when my computer displayed for me the "Blue Screen of Death". It is called this for a reason. Windows has this little thing where it likes to work for 3 years and then just suddenly die (See, It's not that big of a leap after all). So I had to be computer-less for around a week or so, reverting back to my primal instincts which is mooching, and this was no easy task. I ordered a new recovery disk so that I could have it fixed, then told my mom the whole situation, and we made the decision that I needed a new computer. Now seeing as how Windows XP was basically outlawed a few weeks before, I was getting a Vista (I hate Vista in case you didn't know). So the day after I got my Recovery CD, I got my new computer. It's a very nice computer, and for the first few days I enjoyed Vista. But, after I got used to it and started enjoying it, it turned into Satan's advocate. It will occasionally freeze, and it had this annoying thing where the volume would appear on the screen as I turned it up and down on the keyboard, and it didn't want to go away for about a minute, and this froze my applications until it went away. But, it is a nice computer and I love it.
I then had a nice computer, a bed to sleep on, and a pocket full of dreams. As you can probably tell, I was doing good. I then went straight downhill when I realized, I cannot make or receive phone calls on my cell phone. To say the least, I was mad. So for the last few weeks I have been trying to convince AT&T that my phone would only work when IT wanted to. I'm finally getting a replacement phone tomorrow, which I hope it's the phone and not the SIM card because I don't want to go another two weeks trying to borrow someone Else's phone, trying to call the phone company, so that I can get a phone that works, meanwhile missing calls that are potentially important. So I have been struggling with technology lately.
The next thing, oh yes...there's more, is the fact that I have to live not just my life, but the lives of others. I have great times with my friends, but I become so attached that when they have a hard time, I have a hard time as well, and it seems as though lately that my friends have had a lot of hard times, whether it is through losing girlfriends, or losing patience. But, in all seriousness my friends need a lot of prayer. Another issue It looks as if I will have to deal with is losing friends. It seems as if all my friends want to transfer out of here for their own personal reasons. This just kills me because I have only a few close friends, and they are either moving away, sad, or doing things I don't like. So just remember this in your prayers.
I didn't go into details on some of this for a reason, so if you know what the reason is, or even have an idea, keep in to yourself. I mainly just wrote this because I needed a bit of a relief and it always soothes me a little when I write. I know there are a lot of spelling errors, but I rally don't want to read through this, it's too dang long. Now what I will look for is a nice place where I can be completely alone for a pretty long time so I can try and work through some of these issues more. I haven't had a really good cry in months, maybe near a year. So I leave you with this one thing. I made a promise to myself the Sunday before I left. I went to the altar and asked God to help me and my friends as we finished out the year. I have not been helping myself though. So I will try and straighten up a bit more. I will try not to sweat the small stuff, I will try not to become as sad as I have been, or as mad as I have been. So, I leave you now saying I love you all, and I would appreciate any prayers you might be willing to say.
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