Simple Man

What does it take to be a simple man? Is there even such a thing? Is the goal of a simple man set at a point that is so high, that no one can reach it? Lynyrd Skynyrd defines a simple man to, "...be something you love and understand." They also say that you should not lust after the things that other people have. "Forget your lust for the rich man's gold. All that you need is in your soul." Follow your heart on the issues that rise. The world will turn on you, but God will not. "And don't forget son, there is someone up above." When you are in the tightest spots, you can always look to God.

I myself strive to be like the man in this song, but it is so hard to be sometimes. When you have all these hardships around you, not always happening directly to you, but to the others you associate with, it gets hard to be simple. I'll even say that it is hard to follow God. When I look at what is going on around me right now, I get angry, depressed, and just have an overall empty feeling inside. It's as if I can do something, I know I can do it, but I just can't see what it is. I try to find out what it is, but something just keeps holding me back. It even gets to a point where I want to quit everything else, just to focus on that one thing. I'll say it right now, it's to complicated being simple.

A hope then arises for me in a song that I always love to hear. It is an old gospel song called, "I Can't Even Walk, Without You Holding My Hand". The chorus just makes me melt, that is how inspirational it is to me. "Lord I can't even walk, without you holding my hand. The mountain is to high, and the valley is to wide. DOWN ON MY KNEES, THAT'S WHERE I LEARN TO STAND. Because I can't even walk, without you holding my hand." Every time I hear this song, especially the bold part, I remember my first time walking. That time I walked down the isle, knelt at the alter, and made a commitment to Jesus Christ. I was so happy then. If it weren't for that 20 minutes with God, I'm not sure if I would even be here today.

While I'm talking about songs, a.k.a the songs I just finished listening to, I want to bring up one last one that will always make me cry. The classic hymn, "The Old Rugged Cross". Why does this song make me cry? It is because I remember my Papa, and how he looked so much as if he were in pain the last few years of his life. I try to think of that, but I can't. All I see is him running around in the greenest grass I've ever seen, on a nice spring day, kneeling at a bloody cross. "I will cherish the old rugged cross. Til' my trophies at last I lay down. I will cling to the old rugged cross. And exchange it someday for a crown." I long for the day I am united with my God in Heaven, and reunited with my family, but until then I will live each day as God expects me to...as a sinner turned into a simple man, only by the grace of God.

Lost Chances

Lately I've been going through a stage of self-reflection. I just look back on my life and realize the things that could have been, the things I could have done but never did. I realize that I could have done a lot to change the way things are now, not that things are bad, but I could have done things to keep from gaining my depression that you all have heard so much about. I want anyone who reads the following to look back at their own life for five minutes and just see the things that you had the power to change.

One of the areas of my life that I could've had different was I could've had a girlfriend. I look back and see these two girls that liked me all through grade school. I didn't like one because my mother and her mother kept trying to set us up together. The other was my neighbor who I just didn't have any attraction to. Oddly enough they both pushed me underwater and french kissed me.lol By the by, I'm not making any of this up. Another girl I possibly could've had was a girl from my church. For about a month she was clingy to me. I knew what she was thinking but I just never did anything about it. There was also another girl that used to go to my church. She was always hanging around me, not as much as the other girl was, but one day I finally asked her if she liked me. It took me all day to finally get her to tell me the truth, that she did like me. Once I finally got it out of her it was time to leave, so next week my family ended up not going to church for some reason, and the week after we left early to take the Jr. Church to sing at the nursing home. Well, it turns out that later that day while we were at the nursing home, she was kicked out of the church for yelling at our youth leaders, and for much more things that she had gotten into trouble for.

Another area is of course my eyes, who didn't see this coming?lol Well, this one goes back to my PaPa (my grandfather on my mother's side). I never really got to talk to him much, that I remember, and when I was at the age where I could really understand anything that could have helped me, he was bed-ridden and could barely talk. In fact, one of my only memories of us having fun together was when we would sing Pee's Porage Hot together. I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa when I turned 17, so it was in 2005. Well, my PaPa died in 2003, and he was the only one, besides me, in my family that had it. If I only knew, I would have tried to understand what he had been through. I knew he was blind for most of his life, but I never knew the pain he went through. I never had him help me through my disease. Every time I go out at night or don't see something, I always think of him. I thank God that my PaPa can see right now, and he can see the most beautiful things he could ever imagine in Heaven. I long for the day that I can see him again, and he can finally see me.

I remember back when I was in elementary school, I was one of the smartest kids there. I used to make up in the A's and B's. But, it was about the time I hit 5th grade, when I became home-schooled, that I remember my decline. I am strongly for home-school, it's just the fact that no one was ever around really and I began to realize that it was easier to open a teachers book and copy the answers than to do the problems. Once I got through ninth grade, my mother realized that I was cheating. So in tenth grade I was sent to a christian school, where I still cheated, but not to the extent that I used to. I realize now that had I not done all that, that I may be a better student now. I possibly could have all of my college credits now, because I wouldn't have gotten so lazy.

I tell you all of this for a few simple reasons. If you remember, I asked you to look back on your own life when I first started this blog. Well, I wanted you to do that because at the end of all of this, I came to the realization that you cannot ever change the past. And the things you did yesterday, got you to the point your at now. I'm glad I turned out to be the way I am. If I did go down one of those roads, I may not be serving God by going to college right now. I may be dead if I followed what I wanted. I thank God for the things he has given me, and for giving me the opportunity to write my own destiny. I will follow what He wants me to do, and I'll do it with a smile. Don't reflect on the past, look for the future, look for the good times that are ahead, and keep your chin up.