My 9 days

As many of you may have heard, me and my girlfriend recently broke up. We dated for nine days, as implied by the title. But, I never imply how those 9 days were, how they affected me, and if there will be another 9 days to look forward to. Well, for the first time ever, you will get to read a Rickey Gower exclusive. Through those 9 days I was so happy, at least for the first 5 or 6 days. But I then started noticing a change in the way we were, a change that made me realize it was to good to be true. The last day we were together I couldn't really concentrate on her. I just couldn't bring myself to believe what was happening to me. Later that night she sent a text to her roommate saying she wanted to talk to me when I got back to the dorms, we were at Dennys. I got there and she proceeded to break up with me, for reasons I will not disclose in this, for her sake. But, I didn't take it hard at all. I was just a little upset of the timing and the approach. But, it was only because of those signals I received days before that kept me from going into a mild depression.

Now, how did this whole experience affect me? Well, It had it's toll on me a little bit, but not to much. I had a feeling of self-doubt, that was quickly demolished with a call from my sisters. They always know how to cheer me up. But, I'm fine, even though nobody wanted to believe me at first. You wouldn't believe who all called me just to see how I was doing, and to give me "advice". All I did was take off the fact that I was in a relationship on my MySpace and Facebook, and the calls and sympathy came pouring in on me. It freaking amazes me how everyone seems to care when you say your girlfriend broke up with you, but no one cares when you leave posts saying in plain English that you are depressed (I have the blogs to prove it right below this, from last semester). So this whole thing has opened my eyes to how little people really care about you.

And finally, will I have another 9 days? All I have to say is I hope not as much as I hope I do. It's a balance of good and bad that I just don't want to put up with. Now, if you feel you are one of those mention in this blog, I would prefer your negative comments to be directed to me in person/voice. Because if you are one of these people, I more than likely have something to say about you, or not. I'll let you decide and possibly make a fool of yourself.


ps. - I totally ripped off Scrubs with the way I wrote the title.LOL

pps. - In case you never have read one of my blogs before, which are right along this one. I usually end with this. I apologize to those who may find offense to what I have written. But, just remember that these are all my opinions and I would love to hear you opinions as well. What a wonderful gift from God that we all have isn't it? We have the ability to express ourselves in words, and not violence or whatever.

ppps. - I was only kidding about the whole tell me to my face thing. You can do whatever you feel is necessary.

pppps. - Heather, my sister, if you read this, please do not find it neccesary to poke fun at me, whether it is true or not.

ppppps. - Ok, there is nothing to go here. I just like typing long overgrown things that people will more than likely read.

pppppps. - If you did read to this point, please leave a comment saying that you did. Even if you just skipped through the whole thing just to read this part.

7x-ps. - See, isn't that a much nicer way to head the ps'?

p+p+p+p+p+p+p+ps. - Thank you for reading this.

Section 128 - We demand a brandy glass full of M&Ms that shall have no brown pieces

Section 234 - If section 128 is violated, I reserve the right to riot and loot like crazy, causing thousands of dollars worth of damage!

Simple Man

What does it take to be a simple man? Is there even such a thing? Is the goal of a simple man set at a point that is so high, that no one can reach it? Lynyrd Skynyrd defines a simple man to, "...be something you love and understand." They also say that you should not lust after the things that other people have. "Forget your lust for the rich man's gold. All that you need is in your soul." Follow your heart on the issues that rise. The world will turn on you, but God will not. "And don't forget son, there is someone up above." When you are in the tightest spots, you can always look to God.

I myself strive to be like the man in this song, but it is so hard to be sometimes. When you have all these hardships around you, not always happening directly to you, but to the others you associate with, it gets hard to be simple. I'll even say that it is hard to follow God. When I look at what is going on around me right now, I get angry, depressed, and just have an overall empty feeling inside. It's as if I can do something, I know I can do it, but I just can't see what it is. I try to find out what it is, but something just keeps holding me back. It even gets to a point where I want to quit everything else, just to focus on that one thing. I'll say it right now, it's to complicated being simple.

A hope then arises for me in a song that I always love to hear. It is an old gospel song called, "I Can't Even Walk, Without You Holding My Hand". The chorus just makes me melt, that is how inspirational it is to me. "Lord I can't even walk, without you holding my hand. The mountain is to high, and the valley is to wide. DOWN ON MY KNEES, THAT'S WHERE I LEARN TO STAND. Because I can't even walk, without you holding my hand." Every time I hear this song, especially the bold part, I remember my first time walking. That time I walked down the isle, knelt at the alter, and made a commitment to Jesus Christ. I was so happy then. If it weren't for that 20 minutes with God, I'm not sure if I would even be here today.

While I'm talking about songs, a.k.a the songs I just finished listening to, I want to bring up one last one that will always make me cry. The classic hymn, "The Old Rugged Cross". Why does this song make me cry? It is because I remember my Papa, and how he looked so much as if he were in pain the last few years of his life. I try to think of that, but I can't. All I see is him running around in the greenest grass I've ever seen, on a nice spring day, kneeling at a bloody cross. "I will cherish the old rugged cross. Til' my trophies at last I lay down. I will cling to the old rugged cross. And exchange it someday for a crown." I long for the day I am united with my God in Heaven, and reunited with my family, but until then I will live each day as God expects me to...as a sinner turned into a simple man, only by the grace of God.

Lost Chances

Lately I've been going through a stage of self-reflection. I just look back on my life and realize the things that could have been, the things I could have done but never did. I realize that I could have done a lot to change the way things are now, not that things are bad, but I could have done things to keep from gaining my depression that you all have heard so much about. I want anyone who reads the following to look back at their own life for five minutes and just see the things that you had the power to change.

One of the areas of my life that I could've had different was I could've had a girlfriend. I look back and see these two girls that liked me all through grade school. I didn't like one because my mother and her mother kept trying to set us up together. The other was my neighbor who I just didn't have any attraction to. Oddly enough they both pushed me underwater and french kissed me.lol By the by, I'm not making any of this up. Another girl I possibly could've had was a girl from my church. For about a month she was clingy to me. I knew what she was thinking but I just never did anything about it. There was also another girl that used to go to my church. She was always hanging around me, not as much as the other girl was, but one day I finally asked her if she liked me. It took me all day to finally get her to tell me the truth, that she did like me. Once I finally got it out of her it was time to leave, so next week my family ended up not going to church for some reason, and the week after we left early to take the Jr. Church to sing at the nursing home. Well, it turns out that later that day while we were at the nursing home, she was kicked out of the church for yelling at our youth leaders, and for much more things that she had gotten into trouble for.

Another area is of course my eyes, who didn't see this coming?lol Well, this one goes back to my PaPa (my grandfather on my mother's side). I never really got to talk to him much, that I remember, and when I was at the age where I could really understand anything that could have helped me, he was bed-ridden and could barely talk. In fact, one of my only memories of us having fun together was when we would sing Pee's Porage Hot together. I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa when I turned 17, so it was in 2005. Well, my PaPa died in 2003, and he was the only one, besides me, in my family that had it. If I only knew, I would have tried to understand what he had been through. I knew he was blind for most of his life, but I never knew the pain he went through. I never had him help me through my disease. Every time I go out at night or don't see something, I always think of him. I thank God that my PaPa can see right now, and he can see the most beautiful things he could ever imagine in Heaven. I long for the day that I can see him again, and he can finally see me.

I remember back when I was in elementary school, I was one of the smartest kids there. I used to make up in the A's and B's. But, it was about the time I hit 5th grade, when I became home-schooled, that I remember my decline. I am strongly for home-school, it's just the fact that no one was ever around really and I began to realize that it was easier to open a teachers book and copy the answers than to do the problems. Once I got through ninth grade, my mother realized that I was cheating. So in tenth grade I was sent to a christian school, where I still cheated, but not to the extent that I used to. I realize now that had I not done all that, that I may be a better student now. I possibly could have all of my college credits now, because I wouldn't have gotten so lazy.

I tell you all of this for a few simple reasons. If you remember, I asked you to look back on your own life when I first started this blog. Well, I wanted you to do that because at the end of all of this, I came to the realization that you cannot ever change the past. And the things you did yesterday, got you to the point your at now. I'm glad I turned out to be the way I am. If I did go down one of those roads, I may not be serving God by going to college right now. I may be dead if I followed what I wanted. I thank God for the things he has given me, and for giving me the opportunity to write my own destiny. I will follow what He wants me to do, and I'll do it with a smile. Don't reflect on the past, look for the future, look for the good times that are ahead, and keep your chin up.

Music of Life

Lately I've been listening to music a lot again. I have a few choice songs that I have listened to lately.

The first is Dust in the Wind by Kansas. It is very true to me in many ways. It talks about how everyone and everything is dust in the wind. It is there at one moment, but it never stays there for long. It will eventually travel through the winds of time. It may settle at one point, but it is destined to move once again, until it is no more. And the things that you may have beside you one day, may be gone the next. You never know how the wind will blow. It will change many times through life, and there isn't a single thing you can do about it.

Another song is Under Pressure by Queen(w/David Bowie). The only reason I got this song was because I heard of the huge bass line dispute between Queen and Vanilla Ice, and I wanted to hear the song. But once I listened to it, I loved it. I don't know if it's the lyrics, or the tune, but it is a great song. The main meaning of the song to me is telling people that we are all under pressure sometimes. And when that pressure comes, it hits hard. It will drive a family apart, a good man insane, and anyone to lose focus on the true meaning of love.

Behind Blue Eyes by The Who. This hits me as a man's description of himself. He views himself as hated, possibly because of someone who broke his heart. He has lost himself, but he can still see a semi-bright future. He is reaching out for help, but no one knows, or no one cares. And through this all, he sees himself as a horrible person because he feels this way.

Lucky Man by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. This song is about a man who seems to have it all. All through the song they sing, "Oooo what a lucky man, he was." It describes the things he has at the beginning of the song, and how lucky he was to have all of this. He then goes to war for his country and king. While he was there, he was shot and killed. One of the last verses of the song said, "No money could save him, so he lay down, and he died." That is a lesson to everyone, no matter how much you have, there is nothing that can save you from death. And this song makes me wonder, what is a lucky man anyways. Can there truly be anyone lucky? Please tell me what you think a lucky man is.

Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. This is one of my favorite songs ever. You have to listen carefully to get the meaning, and even then you don't get it all. I myself see this as more of a religious song, with a little mythology thrown in. It starts with a woman who is obviously rich. She thinks that she can buy her way to Heaven. Perhaps my favorite part of the song comes when it states, "Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road your on." This, to me, represents the choice of either Heaven or Hell, or maybe the choice of going with the crowd or going with yourself. The reason I believe it may be the latter is because of the verse that states, "To be a rock and not to roll." This seems to me to imply that you could be that person, but you just don't go with what everyone else does, perhaps you could be human, but you don't do what the woman does. But, in all this song seems to imply that you cannot buy your way into Heaven, and that you shouldn't let other people lead you astray.

Just a few more, because I have to throw in some Lynyrd Skynyrd. So I will start with my second favorite song of all time, Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd. This is just a beautiful song to listen to. It just seems to sooth you for some reason. I have basically quit trying to find a meaning to this song. Years ago, my brother told me that this song is about Cocaine, which I can see why this would be. But from what I've gathered, I believe that this is a love song of sorts. It tells of a man on a train, just wanting to get far away from home and his lady. He wants to be alone so he can think of a way to start over. And while he is leaving, he realizes that he will never get that Tuesday back that he left, he has severed all ties with his woman, for now.

And finally, the grand-daddy of all songs. Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd. This song has the most memorable starting lyrics for me ever. "If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?" This is about a guy who has tasted freedom, freedom from everything. He leaves his girl so he can experience the freedom that the birds flying high experience. "There's to many places I've got to see." But, he makes it well known that he has changed, not her. His mindset has changed to the point that he cannot change back. He is a freebird at the end of the song. The most memorable part of the song for everyone is of course the guitar solo, which is topped off by a feud between the two guitarists. It is a very beautiful song, and people truly need to listen to the lyrics, as well as the music.

Please, if you have any comments, tell me what you think. I would love to hear the many interpretations of the songs. Tell me what you think and I will be grateful. By the by, I know a general list of the people who read this blog, so I will expect a response from all of you.

Apology

Hey everybody, I just wanted to clear the air and say that the last blog I wrote was a test. All I wanted to do was to see who all actually read my blogs. I know I probably could have gone about it another way, but I just wanted to see the reaction that it would bring. Truthfully, the main reaction I was looking for was a bit delayed. I was hoping to see if anyone would try to seek help for me and that just came to me today. My sisters read the blog and thought I was going to go on a killing spree. My youth leader, and close friend, half-confronted me in a comment they left. And surprisingly, some people came up to me and said that they have thought worse things than what I said I thought. But, in the long run you all have come through for me. I will be praying for you all, and once again I apologize for any emotional troubles this test has caused you.

Speaking of tests, I finally finished the first 3 Saw movies and I am so pumped for the 4th. I might actually go to the theater to see it, which would be the first time I've been in a theater since Passion of the Christ. Wow, I just realized the jump I would be making there. Going from watching a religious movie with my youth group, to watching a thriller with some friends.lol

Some updates in my life right now are that I have finally talked to my brother. He is doing fine but he, as well as my sisters, are going through some trials of their own right now, so please be in prayer for all of them. Please remember my mom as her knee is healing up, and pray that she will be able to put weight on her knee soon.

Well, that's all for now, I will try to get on here more often. I once again apologize for my mis-direction.

I'm Here

Hey everybody, just wanted to give a bit of an update on how I am doing right now. If you haven't heard by now, I have made it back to school which means I have successfully been through my first year of college. It really feels great to say that considering I'm the only one of my siblings to still be in college after their first year, if they even made it there. Oddly enough, me and my older sister are the only ones to have graduated high school with a diploma, and make it through at least a year of college. My Brother and other sister both received their GED's, and are living happily with their partners. So far, me and my brother are the only 2 not to get married yet. Both of my sisters have a husband and at least 2 kids, while my brother has had a serious girlfriend for many years now. I guess it's time for me to get out and look for someone. Don't get me wrong, I have been looking all my life, but there just seems to be no girl that wants me. I know it's sad, but in time you learn to deal with it. Lately I've been in a lusting stage, lusting after a certain girl, looking at her beauty and wanting to have her. By the by, if any of you people reading this knows who I'm talking about and decides to tell her, I will kill you, or kiss you, depending on her reaction.lol

But as I said before I am back in college, and although I am on academic probation, I am still liking it all. I'm limited to taking 13 credit hours, all of which I scheduled before 11AM. People tell me I'm crazy for taking 8AM classes, but I just shrug it off because it's actually helping me. I'm going to class every day, haven't missed on yet, and turning in all my homework. This is a huge improvement for me compared to last year. The only downside to all of this is the fact that there is absolutely nothing to do around here. I often find myself going to class, going to lunch, taking a nice long nap, going to dinner, doing misscellaneous things like homework, and finally watching Scrubs and going to bed. I have very little contact with the outside world in the day, mainly because there is nobody around. I look forward to going to Evansville on any given Thursday or Sunday because this is when one of my good friends is off work. We don't even do anything, just sit around, watch TV, go eat, and go our separate ways. It's perfect.

Finally, I want everyone to keep my mother in their prayers, next Monday she will be having knee surgery and I worry about her when I'm not around. I probably won't be going home until a week after she has it, so just remember her in your prayers. Also remember my sisters and my brother and me, because we all need prayer sometimes. Thanks for reading.

"Summer Fun"

Well, it's been a while huh. Plenty of action this summer, and at the same time it's been really boring. During the course of the summer, I have mainly been doing schoolwork. Yep, I have to complete an incomplete so that the college will restore my financial aide, and I can go back in the fall. Other than that, I got a job at a temp. agency, in which I was called only three times. So to make money, I took a siding job with my dad and made $160 in two days.

I will be going to Florida next week from Sunday to Thursday, just something to get away from the neighborhood, ya know? If you don't know, well, last week, me and a few other neighbors got our cars searched by someone. And by that I mean they got into our unlocked cars, and took stuff from us. My next door neighbor got her stereo taken, a guy down the road lost his laptop and sub-woofers, and I lost a CD walkman. I'm quite offended by this. Not that they took my $50 walkman, but that they left my $250 stereo. I myself want to know what the girl next door had that I don't. But, that is my current adventure, dealing with my scared neighbor calling me to make sure no one is trying to break in her house at night. The main thing that scares her is that some lady a little bit away from us was held at gunpoint while the people robbed her house. So as you can tell, I have been out of my comfort zone lately.

But anyways, the boring part of my summer is spent staying up until 2 in the morning watching Arli$$ and American Gladiators, both of which play on ESPN Classic. Speaking of ESPN, a great travesty has occurred. Barry Bonds is now the "Home Run King". When asked if he thought the record was tainted, he replied with a stern NO IT IS NOT. BULLCRAP!!! Whether he is a steroid freak or not is still disputed, but the record is tainted by the fact that nothing has been disproven. It is true that he has not been convicted of the crime, but he has not been set free either. We all saw Bud Selig's reaction to the tying HR, he was just looking around, not clapping, not cheering, but seeing the reaction of the fans. The look on his face tells me that he knows something he hasn't told. I look forward to the day that Major League Baseball strips that title from Barry, and ban him from baseball. Hank Aaron forever!!!

Well, that's about all I have for now. Keep me in your prayers as I am in Florida, and while I try to complete my papers. I do not apologize for what I wrote, because these are all my opinions. If you want to tell me something, then just tell me. We all have opinions and we should state them, as long as no one crosses that invisible line that we all know of. So take it easy everybody.

The Devil's Triumph

So I hear of a thing, called fire in your soul,
It may build you up, but you’re left with a hole.
So what do you do, when you give up your life,
You sit and you cry, every single night.
Who cares what you do, they never really know,
About the fire in your eyes, and the smoke in your soul.
You call out for help, you look for a line,
But in the end, all you get, is nobody’s time.
You scratch and you scrape, for the merest of sight,
But your eyes are so clouded, that you can’t see the light.
Others think they’ve helped, but the truth of it all,
Is all that they do, is nothing at all.
So you look to the cross, for guidance and strength,
But all you see is darkness, and of Satan you think.
That fire that once lived, is as dead as the match,
Never again to be lit, never is fact.

help

It's been a tough year so far, when is it not? So far, I have lost on e roommate and gained another. I really like my new roommate, we have a lot in common. The only problem is that he's never here. He comes in occasionally just to say hi and lay down, but that's it. Another thing is that the friends I usually hang out with are always hanging out with other people, or not really inviting me out with them. This one night they were all together, I asked them what they were going to do that night, and one of my friends said they were going to hang out in Evansville, a big town about 30 miles from here. Without me saying a word he just blurted out you can't come because it will be dark and you won't be able to do what we're going to do. As you might already know, that comment hurt me. He just said that without any regard to my feelings.

I've been walking a little more at nights since that happened. The sad part is that I start to cry while I'm walking. It's getting harder for me to see at nights, and it's not like any of the higher-ups cares about any of the students here. All we are is a paycheck to them. I heard recently from a friend that they had a meeting about the security problems on campus. They brought up the lights. Some would think that I would be excited about this development, but it just pissed me off. I requested something be done about the lights early last semester, for my benefit, but the only way they'll discuss it is if it is a security benefit. I'll tell ya now, blind people are persecuted a lot more than people think.

Tonight, I was walking around the campus, thinking. I wonder, if God wanted us to enjoy the earth, then why can I not see half of the beauty? There is a saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". But I ask you, If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm blind, can I truly see beauty?" (For those of you that don't know, I'm not completely blind right now, I have an eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa. I am just night blind right now. For more information on this eye disease, go to http://www.blindness.org .) Anyways, other than all of that, I have been content. I miss home right now because they have snow. We might get some tonight and tomorrow, but we're not sure.

In the current events section, I heard on the news today that in Boston, there was a third party advertising company helping to advertise a TV show called Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Well, the advertisers put mini-billboards in various places in Boston, as well as 10 other cities. The billboard was a small, light-bright board with a character from the show on it. They were up for 2-3 weeks. Well, today, someone complained about it because they have never seen or heard of the show or the character. They thought it was a bomb, because it had batteries and wires sticking out of it, and it was under a bridge. There you have it folks, Osama is back and he's burning bridges with cartoons. We all have to throw our TVs out because the cartoons are so bad that they will blow us up. Now they are looking for this person that put the promotion there so they can arrest him. They actually had the freaking military out at the bridge trying to figure out what it was, when all they needed was some teenager out there cheering for the show's return.

In my final rant, I would like to address my sister. I called her the other day because I found out she was having a baby girl. The whole month or so before that, I was joking around about how it was going to be a boy. When I called her, she got the idea that I was disappointed that it was going to be a girl. Well, that's not the case. I'm just happy that she is actually going to have a kid. Sarah, id you read this then I'm sorry I made you feel bad, I didn't mean to and it's tearing me up inside to think that you hate me. I love all my nieces and nephews equally.

Everyone pray for my sisters as they go through maternity. They both know the pain of losing a baby, and so do the rest of the family through them. I love them so much. Just pray for my family, my sisters, my brother, my parents, and my outer family as well. We are all falling on tough times and I am concerned for them all. It's not easy being away from them when the things that are happening are upon them. Pray for me, pray for the world. Thank God for the hard times in our lives, He helps us more than we think.

Time

Wow. I just came to the realization that time is moving quickly. I graduated from High School last year, and now I'm in college, and all my High School friends still hang out with each other. I barely talk to any of them anymore, because I'm busy with my new friends and schoolwork. I hear that some of them are getting married, have steady jobs, and are moving out. It feels weird knowing that I was so close to them before, and now I don't even know how old they are. I sometimes wish that my senior year of high school, that I could have had just one more year with them. But we all had to go our separate ways. I miss them.

But, now I'm in college and have a whole new list of friends. We have some of the same jokes as I did with my friends back home, but it's all different now. I sometimes like to refer to my boyish antics as my sophomoric charm, but now I feel as if it's all slipping away. I feel content to just be the "mature guy" instead of the "wild" one. I guess in life, we all have to grow up eventually. Before I started writing this entry, I was studying my bible to know the chronological order of Job. He was more than likely alive before Moses. At dinner, I don't make as many jokes about farting and "nut slaps", instead I started a conversation about politics. I just feel like I am losing my old side, and getting a fresh new start. And the weirdest part is, I like it. I like having intellectual conversations with friends. I like to hang out and not get in trouble. Most people say that they hated college, but right now I love it. I still joke around of course, because no matter how mature you get, you still need a little sophomoric charm to bring you down to earth.

Time, it's such a puzzling thing. It's there, then it's gone, and no matter how hard you try, you can never go back. I think it will be amazing when I am dead. God has no time-table, He is infinite. I try to think like this every once in a while. It somehow eases my mind to know that there is something that I will never understand, in this life anyways.

That's it for today Ladies and Gentlemen. Take this piece of information and chew on it for a bit. Meditate on it. Get back to me with your opinions. And remember to keep this in prayer. Pray for the country, pray for the world, pray for yourself, pray for me.

Here I go Again

I have discovered my new favorite song, for the time being. It is 'Here I Go Again' by Whitesnake. It is one of the greatest love ballads. I especially like the chorus. It says, "Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known, like a drifter I was born to walk alone". It explains me so well. I tend to wonder off myself. I tend to purposely separate myself from the crowds. I truly walk alone, in my own eyes.

I have finally caught up on all the things I needed to get done up here at college. This semester is going well for me for the time being. I got really pissed off today because I went to make a sandwich and found my lunch meat was stolen. It must have happened last night when I was in my friends room. I just don't see how people can live with the guilt. I guess it must be one hell of a sandwich. Joke's on them though, they didn't take the bread or mayo.lol But in a serious matter, I don't understand how someone can go to a Christian university and steal. How can they live with that guilt? The biggest thing that someone has stolen, that I know of, is a car stereo. I'm not sure who did that piece of work, whether it's a "townie" or a student, but whoever it is I hope that their so called conscience catches up with them. But I doubt that will happen anytime soon.

Continuing from the above subject, I find it quite hilarious what people steal sometimes. Last semester, someone actually stole the flags from the nearby golf course. What in the world are you going to do with gold flags? Do you really have a yard big enough to play golf in? And why would you steal lunch meat? If your that hungry that you resort to stealing food, then get a freaking job. This is the problem with America today. We are to lazy to get a job, but not lazy enough to steal food. tell me where exactly is the line drawn? It takes just as much effort to turn a doorknob and open a fridge as it does to punch numbers in a cash register all day. I don't know why people are so idiotic in the world today. And yes I do admit to saying and doing idiotic things myself, but I wouldn't steal bologna or beg for money like everyone else. I would try to get a job, even if it is at McDonald's flipping burgers, which ironically are not even flipped at all.

Anyways, from one rant to another, I'm fired up tonight. I flip through the news and see only 1 headline the last few days. That headline is, and I quote, "Miracle in Missouri". The whole point behind the headline is that 2 kids were apparently "kid-napped", one for 4 years and the other for 4 days. Both of the kids were over the age of 10 when they were "kid-napped". They were also allowed to go outside and go to school, stay at friends houses.???? Is anyone else as confused as I am? I mean the kids are out side, their pictures are on milk cartons, billboards, news stations. Who doesn't notice a missing kid standing next to his billboard? And if the kids were truly "kid-napped", then why not run home, or call the cops? My opinion is the the kids hated it at home so much, that they decided to make a friend. Now until this guy who "nabbed em" confesses to sticking a body part in them, against their will, I don't want to freaking hear it!

President Bush. OOH, touchy subject. If I was able to vote the 2 times he was running I would have voted for him. He is a good person. But the recent debate is whether or not he was in the right to send more troops to Iraq. Well, as I see it, he only has this year to leave his mark. And like everyone who goes away, you want to score big in the record books. Give the guy a break, I mean look how much good he has done in his presidency, enough good to get him elected again. My uncle came to visit a few months ago, and he said one of the greatest things in the world. He said that Saddam may have done a lot of things wrong, but at least he got the respect of his nation. He used force to end the wars. Saddam had to be the top dog in order for people to respect him. If he had to blow up a city just to get two rival religions to stop fighting, so be it. The point is that the world is all about respect. Bush looks for respect from us as well. He may not get it from everyone, but what about the soldiers that respect him enough to fulfill his plans? In a way, he gets the respect he deserves.

Well I rambled past my limit, so the last rant will go to my good friend James Greer. If you read this, then congratulations on your marriage. You two deserve each other. I know that you will find a church family who will accept you. Everybody be in prayer for the happy couple. They will graduate at the end of the semester and be off on their own. I will miss them. Pray for them, pray for the nation, pray for the world.

friends

Home sweet college. I was happy to get back, at first. I was excited to see friends and catch up. I was on my high-horse, on cloud nine. But when I got back, I realized that most of my friends are going to graduate this semester. That knocked me down in litterally a heartbeat. It's amazing the feelings that God gives us. He tells us to be happy and gives us the abillity to be sad. Wow, the irony right now amazes me. At this very moment I have my Windows Media on Shuffle, the ironic thing is that Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd is playing. I was just about to say that I wish people would think of me for once. I don't get invited to everything my friends do, and I get depressed by it. Ironicly the song just switched to Freebird. A great song that always makes me cry. It's good to cry sometimes. It's another feeling that God gave us. To me crying is a sense of release. I can't explain it right now, or probably ever. It was such a good day earlier, but I really got knocked down after my last class. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I get out of my last class at 5:20PM. Being past dark, I stumble to get back to the dorm that's across campus. Pratt still hasn't done a freakin' thing about the lights at the Johnson Center. My sister has some great news, her baby is a boy. He'll be born in June. I will cherish every moment I have with him, and all my nieces and nephews for that matter. Because there could be a day that I lose my vision aand I won't ever get to see them again. There's a chance I may not get to see my wife, or my own kid. Everyone just pray for me. I started this year off one hell of a way. I need prayer. Please leave a comment. Let me just hear from you.

welcome

Hello everyone. instead of doing the MySpace blog, I am going to be editing this one now. Last entry I had I told you I was going to the eye doctor. Well he said that my eyes were stable. I love to hear that news. I am still wishing for a cure though. I am currently sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. I woke up at 5PM today. It may be the last good sleep I get in a while. I'm going back to college on Sunday, so pray for me and my drive.

I've lately been thinking about the future and what it holds for me. I've thought about my career, my driving, and even my future wife. Ironically, they are all in one thought. If I ever do get to be a youth minister, or a minister of any kind, then how am I going to get to work? I realize that I need to buckle down and find a girl, someone who can drive at night. As a minister, I will have certain responsibility's to my congregation. It's my responsibility to get to the church and teach them the word of God. It's also my responsibility to God to get there. My eyes have me worried on a daily basis, but they seem to be helping me at the same time. With them being the way they are, I seem to try harder. I feel as if my eyes are helping me to question things in life. To help me think logically. All I have to say is thank God for your weaknesses, they help you more than you think.

I've been bored the last few weeks, as you can tell by the website. I started the website years back, then I quit, and just started back on it. I use a format called HTML, some of you may have heard of it, but it is all code. The code is simple and complex at the same time. I personally like it because I know how to use it. If you ever have some spare time then I suggest that you dabble with it a little bit.

I almost forgot, the past week was Christmas. I'm sure you all, whoever you are, will want to know what it is that I got. I got a DVD Burner. Oh yes, that does mean that I can, and will, make movies. Me and some of my friends have already made one movie. It is called Dorm Warz; Revenge Of The Boredness. It is the second video on the 'Movies' section on my site. The quality isn't that good, but the storyline is awesome. We plan to make two more to go along with it as part of a trilogy. Keep an eye out.

I really have no more to say now so I will leave you with this thought that I have been thinking about. Eeyore on Winnie The Pooh was a donkey. He was also mildly depressed and a pessimist. Another name for a donkey is a jackass. Thus, I am a jackass because I am mildly depressed and also a pessimist. Think about it and leave me a comment. Rock On Eeyore, Rock On